


all the things we can't share

by gribbins



Category: McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 07:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11054652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gribbins/pseuds/gribbins
Summary: Most days, Griffin tells himself that it’s okay to be in love with his best friend, as long as he doesn’t think about it. And most days that’s enough.





	all the things we can't share

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha as always, do not read/share if this about someone you know or someone you ARE. Turn away please. nothing for you here.

Most days, Griffin tells himself that it’s okay to be in love with his best friend, as long as he doesn’t think about it. And most days that’s enough.

Being in love with Nick is kind of like breathing at this point honestly, second nature, and Griffin isn’t entirely sure that not everyone who has ever met Nick is in love with him. He’s just so easy to fall in love with, all easy smiles and affection, and a smile that just makes you want to kiss him. Or at least it makes Griffin want to kiss him.

It doesn’t factor into his life all that much really. Griffin lives and works in Austin, at least most of the year, when he’s not at E3 or other things for Polygon, or the new show. Nick is in San Francisco. 1800 miles from Austin, it would take Griffin over a day to drive down. The distance, at least most of the time, feels good. It’s easier to be in love when it’s not in front of your face.

He’s still in love though. Sometimes he smiles a bit too much, when recording videos or the podcast with Nick, laughs too earnestly. He can’t help it that everything that Nick does delights him as much as it does. 

Talking to Nick makes him feel warm, like a long day of laying in the sun.

It’s just easy, and he can ignore it, let it lock in his chest and keep it there. He doesn’t have to think about it. 

E3 is always a shock to the system. He goes from pictures of Nick, seeing his life second hand through a camera or from recounted tales, to being there with him. They skype for the podcast and personally every so often, but most of the time they don’t really talk that much. It’s easier that way, Griffin doesn’t have to think about it so much. 

But then there’s E3, and for at least a few days they’re living in the same space, spending most of their and Griffin thinks he’s been electrocuted. His heart can’t cope with all of Nick’s attention and smiles, and how shockingly annoyingly pretty he is. So his heart beats fast, and he stammers, and trips over his words, and is so utterly stupid that he wouldn’t be surprised if Nick asked to never work with him again. 

It was a busy day, and Griffin is tired, but he’s still up, trying to edit some stuff, working to catch up on the time lost on covering E3. Justin always tells him he needs to not think about it this way, but it’s hard, he wants to do so much all at once. If he focuses on work, he doesn’t have to confront how empty his life feels right now.

They’re staying at an Airbnb together, Nick and Griffin, two rooms and a living room where they can hang out, and Griffin is in the living room this evening. Nick went out, drinking with various people he knew who were there, while Griffin begged off for work. Sometimes he worries about being too boring, he’s not sure he knows how to take time off anymore.

He also needed some time away. It’s overwhelming having so much of Nick’s attention, it makes him feel both too big and too small at the same time. He tries to act normal, but he’s not sure what normal even is anymore for them, or if they even had one at the beginning. 

It’s been a few hours of work, a lot of stopping and starting and Griffin half heartedly wondering if Nick’s having fun, when Nick comes back into the apartment, drunk, and a little unsteady on his feet.

“Hey Griffin” He slurs, smiling at him, and Griffin feels his heart ache.

“Hey Nick” Griffin smiles back, and Nick comes over and sits next to him on the couch, leans his entire body against Griffin, lets his head loll unsteady. Griffin closes his laptop, puts it on the floor, and Nick lies his head in Griffin’s lap. Griffin sits on his hand so he doesn’t start petting his hair.

“I’m glad I get to do this with you. I was-” Nick pauses, seems to think things over for a moment. “Scared when I started at Polygon. Nervous, I guess. Didn’t think it would be as great as it was. You guys are so good to me though. Like family” 

“Yeah man, the whole Polygon family. We love you, you know?” 

“I love you guys. You especially though. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.” Nick is sweet drunk, too sincere, and too prone to making these statements that Griffin can’t deal with. He knows Nick doesn’t mean this how he would, knows it’s just that hazy affection that you get when drunk.

“I wouldn’t wanna do this with anyone else either.” Griffin says, not sure how much he can trust himself to say. He puts his hand on Nick’s hair, strokes through the long side once, and Nick hums deep in his throat. Griffin can feel himself flush faintly.

“Bud, I think you should go to bed. We’ve got another long day tomorrow.” Griffin rests his hand on Nick’s shoulder, helps pull him up to sitting. Nick smiles and him, soft and pliable. He trusts Griffin so much. It almost makes him feel sick.

They get up together, Griffin’s arm around Nick’s waist, and they walk slowly to Nick’s room, Nick laughing at nothing.

“What’s so funny?” 

“Just. This. If you told me about this a few years ago I wouldn’t believe you. I’m just- I’m really happy Griffin” Nick can’t stop smiling, and his easy affection makes Griffin feel horrible for wanting anything more. 

“I’m happy for you, Nick. Now come on, time to sleep, I’m gonna get some water for you to have when you wake up.” Nick’s face down on the bed, but he rolls over slightly, and grabs Griffin’s arm.  
“Thanks for taking care of me, dude. You’re the best, my absolute favorite.” 

“Anytime, Nicholas.” Griffin says and Nick lets go of his arm.

Griffin doesn’t think he’ll sleep at all.

**Author's Note:**

> find me at thegribbenings on tumblr or thegribbening on twitter if you want to chat to me about soft boys in love

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [hide behind the impossible](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064483) by [Deanon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanon/pseuds/Deanon)




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